WTF???

So, y'know when you go through a period in your life, where nothing makes sense, and you don't understand anything, and ALL just seems so frustrating?

Well, that's where I've been the last two months, lol

Although, even now as I write this, I wonder - Is that just a cover up for my need to hide? Is that just the "story" my small minded self is telling me?

Just to delve a little further into the topic, here's the scoop: I'm an online female entrepreneur, and I've been MIA.

My online "presence" has been...let's say, meh

Here's the deal. My aim is to help others who have had a similar experience know that it's normal, it's not something we have to make ourselves "wrong" for, and it's okay. Because even as I was thinking about writing this, I was like, "I don't want to sound like I'm trying to apologize - I don't believe in apologies (to a degree) ESPECIALLY for taking care of myself, or processing in my own way.

BUT - there's still that part of me that sneakily tells me I'm "bad" for not being present in my online marketing, or my biz, or blah blah blah.

CLEARLY I've been struggling with this!

What I'm saying is, I had to find a way to be like, "yo, this is what it is" without being servile or scraping. As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone. (Big Book of AA reference lol)

I suppose that this will have to suffice!

And total transparency here, my brain says, "dude, talk about this. there are others who are experiencing the same thing or something similar!"

What I've learned in my many years sober and in my couple of years in the online biz, is this:

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

And furthermore, I don't need to KNOW the reason!

I just have to do my work, NO MATTER WHAT that looks like...and NOT pass judgement on myself, OR others when my "SMS" (small minded self) has the urge to do so.

And for fucks sake, sometimes that work looks like INNER work. The kind that can't be done in a classroom, or on a webinar, or in a group setting.

Contemplation. Solitude. Self reflection.

That's what these last couple of months have been about. And growth.

Learning how to process my own expectations of self in a healthy way.

Expectations.

You know what I'm talkin' about? Those pesky little ideas and concepts that just seem to stand on our toes sometimes?

Anyway, this whole ramble is all about F*CK some expectations. For real tho.

They're not reality! It's just not real life.

Expectations are like a fungus on our souls.

And from what I can tell, NOBODY is immune to them! Although, we do have the ability to learn how to release them and give ourselves permission to just BE, DO and HAVE things how we want them and when, every now and then, expectations kind of creep back in...

Think about it!

When in your life have you noticed that your expectations kind of made you sick?

Can you recall a time when you let go of your expectations, and the Universe over-delivered for you!?

I know for myself, yes yes and MORE yes.

When I constantly expect things to go a certain way, I'm invariably disappointed.

Take for example, my plan to do this crazy cool thing sharing content and sharing my story building up to my sober birthday (which was April 26th, lol) and then just falling off the face of the earth!

Guess what, I'm probably the one who NOTICED THE MOST!

And all my followers, all the peeps who read my stuff, all my clients, my audience etc.....THEY UNDERSTOOD the most!

I was brutal with myself, bc I EXPECTED myself to be present!

I held myself to an expectation that I needed to be doing something, and I was unwilling to see that maybe what I really needed to do was just allow life to happen.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's felt this way...

The moral of the story here is, let yourself be where you are, and give yourself unlimited permission to just let go. Put the "cat-of-9-tails" torture devices down. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to be part of life as the Spiritual Being that you are, having this incredible human experience.

We can work on this together.

I think we're all in the same boat here. Nobody is perfect, and we owe it to ourselves, and our brothers and sisters to just be forgiving with ourselves and one another.

And my monkey brain immediately thinks, "What if someone reads this with a political spin?? They're going to poo poo this whole idea! Then I'm going to feel stupid!"

Oh for heaven's sake Heather...just stop!

Alrighty.

Rant over. LOL!

PS. The reason I chose a pic of Kate Moss originally was bc she's my favorite example of unrealistic expectations - SHIT can you imagine the expectations laid upon the women and men who are in the modeling industry!?!? I'll bet a few of you can! I'd even go so far as to say, I probably know people in my circle who have HAD or even HAVE those expectations on them! Anyway - Sending each and every person who lays eyes on this blog post HUGE love! Happy Freaky Friday, and I hope your weekend is FILLED with love, joy and totally devoid of expectations lol

PPS. I'm so grateful for the amazing men and women who are part of my life. All of them. ALL of YOU! I'm so glad to be doing life with all of you.